🤯 Extrovert Creates Space
Wes Kao recently shared a great article on how introverts can overcome the perfectionism trap by thinking out loud.
As an extrovert I had the opposite problem when I was leading operating teams.
For a long time, I thought my “thinking out loud” was a gift to the room. I thought I was bringing the energy and driving the momentum.
But sometimes I was actually sucking the oxygen out of the room!
When we are unaware of this we can present as having no latency. We then process our thoughts in real time, at high volume, in front of everyone.
This feels like collaboration to us but to our teams it can feel like a wall of sound.
When we dominate the airtime, we do not just drown out the noise. We drown out the signal. We inadvertently train our people to stay silent because they know we will fill the vacuum anyway.
If we want to move from being the loudest people in the room to being the most effective leaders, we need to raise the bar for what comes out of our mouths.
The 5-Step Volume Dial
1. The Five-Second Gap
We hate silence. When a meeting hits a lull, our instinct is to jump in and save the conversation. We need to stop.
The Action: When a point is made or a question is asked, count to five in your head before speaking.
The Why: This creates space for the internal processors to gather their thoughts. Usually the most profound insight in the room is currently being drafted in someone else’s head. We have to give them the time to hit send.
2. The Physical Filter
Our brains move faster than the meeting agenda. We have “great ideas” every three minutes.
The Action: Keep a notepad next to you. Every time you have a thought write it down instead of saying it immediately.
The Why: Seeing the thought on paper gives us a moment of distance. We will realize that a high percentage of those urgent points do not actually need to be said out loud.
3. The 2-to-1 Ratio
In our next three meetings we should track our contributions like a box score.
The Action: For every statement we make, we must ask two open-ended questions.
The Why: This forces us to stop “telling” and start “extracting.” Instead of saying “I think we should do X,” try “What is the biggest risk if we do X?” or “How would our customers react to X?”
4. The Strategic Pass
High-energy leaders can become the default center of gravity.
The Action: When someone asks us a direct question try to redirect it before answering. Say, “I have a few thoughts but I want to hear what xxx thinks about the technical side.”
The Why: This builds the speaking muscle in others and signals that we value their expertise over our own voices.
5. The Last to Speak Rule
This is the ultimate discipline for the high authority extrovert.
The Action: Commit to being the final person to share an opinion on any given topic.
The Why: When we speak first we anchor the room. People will subconsciously align with our view rather than sharing their own. By speaking last we allow the best ideas to emerge without the bias of authority.
Instead of thinking out loud we can edit in private.
Before we speak, we must ask ourselves:
Does this add new value or am I just uncomfortable with the silence?
Experiment:
In your next 1:1 or team sync, try the Five-Second Gap.
Notice who steps into the silence when you refuse to fill it!